When life gives you lemons...

...make lemonade. But what if you don't like lemonade?

I really don't understand the way life is sometimes. You're going along, doing your thing, trying to follow God's call for you life, even though you have no idea what that is. You think things are going a certain way and then BAM!! You're suddenly hit in the face with a whole bushel of lemons and wonder how it happened. Did I miss something? Was I supposed to turn right back there instead of left?

I think the most frustrating thing is that I wonder if it's possible that I've known the Lord for as long as I have and am still unable to hear His voice. Did I just think I heard it? Did I follow Him to this place only to find out I was following something else? What have years of going to church, having quiet times, going to school of ministry led me to? A total inability to separate myself enough from my own feelings and emotions to make a decision totally based on what God wants me to do?

The tricky thing is this whole idea of God granting you the desires of you heart. Somehow I've believed the docrtine of "God wants you to have what you desire so just keep following and trusting Him and things will work out the way you want." The idea that obedience somehow leads to success and happiness. I've been living my whole life under that premise. If I am faithful and do what He wants me to do, things are going to work out better for me than Susie Sinful. When that doesn't happen, you start to quesiton your very identity. The day you wake up and realize that maybe you're really a Pharisee is a bad one.

So for the time being, I'm just gonna add those lemons to my iced tea.